Category Archives: Reflections on Life

Culture, Reflections on Life, Studying and Exploring

The Culture I Didn’t Know was Possible

In 2023, I was blessed with a two week family journey to Costa Rica. I’m trying to figure out when I realized that something was very, very different in the culture of this country. Looking back, I might have taken my cue from the tall Englishman, a farmer, who was returning on his vacation to his beloved Costa Rica. He gushed about the warm people, the food and the land.

I might have picked up some of the clues right in front of me. There was a very limited police presence. I was told by our host that there is no customary tip rate; “just pay whatever feels right to you.” Our AirBNB came with its own industrial-style playground, built by the artist owner. The view of the stars at night were stunning.

I think it really hit home after our encounter with the “stray” dogs. Our first dog visitor followed my daughter and her boyfriend home from their evening stroll into town. He had a sweet face, a polite demeanor and a spirit of adventure. We named him Sam. We didn’t let him into our rental house, fearing fleas or worse. We gave him a bowl of water and he curled up on our porch for the night. In the morning, Sam got leftover eggs and toast for breakfast. We sent a photo to our hostess and she promised to look for the owner.

We headed out to our excursion for the day. When we returned, Sam was gone.

That next evening, another dog followed my daughter and boyfriend home. Upon my interrogation of them, they swore up and down that they did not feed these dogs. This one we called Dusty. We again dutifully sent a photo to our hostess – and I began to wonder if this was a recurring issue in these parts.

After another day of adventure, hiking and eco-tourism, we returned home to find Dusty gone. Our hostess, however, had a report for us. It turns out that Dusty’s owner had been looking all over for him and now they were reunited. Sam, it seems, has been adopted repeatedly by families throughout the town. But Sam never stays put. He prefers the streets, she relayed.

I started to notice that dogs outnumbered cats by at least 50 to 1. Some had collars, most did not. They roamed along the edges of streets and laid spread out on driveways, porches or sidewalks.

Then I noticed something else.

There wasn’t any roadkill.

There were, however, several 3 legged dogs. It seemed that this was a side effect of their free roaming spirit.

I learned that Costa Rica did not have a military. Abolished in 1949, the government has set priorities on strong academic and vocational educational support, universal healthcare, social security, ecological conservation efforts and the development of a free trade zone. See this article for an overview of these key policies.

Its kind of amazing what a country can accomplish when they don’t have to support a military.

Small school houses dotted the rural landscape in the mountains. National curriculums are delivered over the radio for even more remote areas.

I noticed that people seemed content. There was little evidence of homelessness.

Costa Rica is a big destination for eco-tourism. They do not disappoint. Knowledgeable guides are available throughout the country to help you experience and learn about the rich, dense biodiversity of the jungle, rivers and coastal regions of this beautiful country.

A sloth viewed from our guide’s telescopic camera

For example, before heading out on a white water rafting adventure, our briefing included instructions on how to process the food on our tray – separating into returnable utensils, compostable items and recyclable items. They made it clear that you were expected to follow this process so we would minimize the impact we had as we enjoyed the bounty of the wild river.

One day, I noticed that the people walking in the street (and there were many) did not carry anything in their hands. No phones. No coffee cups. No sandwich to be gobbled down later. People simply moved from point A to point B, attending to the business at hand.

In short, there was a harmony in this place. Between government and the people, between neighbors, between people and animals, between every living thing.


The motto repeated throughout the country is “Pura Vida” (Pure Life!). It is a greeting, a good bye and a way of meeting life in harmony. I did not know such a culture was possible in today’s world.



Today, Costa Rica is a popular destination to relocate to. I can understand why.

My big takeaway though was not thinking about moving to this beautiful country with a harmonious culture. I wondered how we might create aspects of this culture right where we live. Can we reprioritize where we spend our money? Can we bring the environment to the forefront of our cultural awareness? Can we drop our phones, coffee cups and sandwiches to be present in this very moment?

For me, it is worth a try.

Culture, Reflections on Life

Prayer for a Thief

Caption: pile of 4x4s stolen from my camp (dog was not taken!)

It was mine.

I worked for it.

The previous owner gave it to me
– perhaps because it was a nuisance
– perhaps because they were grateful for the value I provided.

And you stole it from me.

In the dead of the night,
or under cover of an NDA,
or when I left it unwatched.

Thief!

You knew it was wrong or you would not have hidden your tracks.

You relied on the shadows or your lies to cover your shame.

Perhaps you had a good reason
– a sick family member
– a leaky roof in the winter
– a hungry child…

Or maybe you just did it to add what-was-mine to yours.

Maybe you hoped it would make you feel wealthier, more powerful or less vulnerable.

Whatever your reason, know this…

We are all thieves,
from the time we suckle milk from our mother’s breast,
to the land we purchase, which traces back to stolen meadows and forests,
from the animals and plants we call our own – and sometimes kill for nourishment,
to the final breaths of oxygen we use to furnace our dying body.

And so, Thief … did you take in shame?
or with gratitude?

Did you use it to slake your thirst for greed?
Or did you use it to do good in the world?

We all take,
but next time – maybe you will remember this Prayer.

I wrote it for you.

And I wrote it for me.

When you take next time,
do it with an open heart,
pay it forward to others,
take only what you need –
and practice reciprocity with the world around you.

(Skip Shuda, June 27, 2022)

Culture, Reflections on Life

A Prayer for January 6

Universal Father, Ever-present Mother, Collective wisdom of our highest selves,

I thank you for the grace bestowed upon our family in this experiment of humankind,

Where we declared the self-evident truths of men created equally, endowed with rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness,

And founded our country on that promise.

I thank you for the abolition of the stain of slavery and for healing our country after the terrible fight.

I thank you for the progress of civil liberty for women and men and for our unbending commitment to allowing all truths to be spoken.

Our country was born of three masters –  the judicial heart, the legislative mind and the executive torso – set in tension so that none would rise above the other.

For over 228 years, we have peacefully transitioned to new governments.

Thank you for this blessing.

On this day, we are reminded that our Republic is a precious and fragile agreement.

We pray that humanity’s great experiment to grant the will of the people will continue.

Please deliver us from forces that would lay waste to the votes of any citizen.  

Deliver us from complacency and ignorance.  

Provide us with the light of factual information, credible experts and impartial information sources.  Knowledge can light us up and mis-information can corrupt our spirit.

Please help us find our voice in the face of corruption and hatred.

If tyranny is alive, silence is indeed violence.

May our children and the generations beyond, find a world where we decided to invest in our people over corporations.

In the spirit of the Executive, Legislative and Judicial, Amen.

– Skip Shuda, Jan. 6, 2022

Culture, Reflections on Life

Banned: Thrown off the Island by IG and Facebook

Four days without Facebook. Now that I’m mostly retired from the digital marketing world, you’d think I wouldn’t need my social media accounts.

Sometime on Sunday night, bleeding into Monday morning, someone logged into my Facebook account, reset my password and them tunneled into my Instagram account. Once there, the perpetrator did something so egregious that Instagram deleted my account without warning, notifying me with the very non-descript charge of “violation of terms of service”. According the the Instagram help page, this will never happen unless a person has multiple previous violations, which I did not.

Facebook then disabled my account, because my linked Instagram account was deleted – guilt by association.

My requests for review were responded to with auto-responders that I should hear back in 24 hours, which came and went. No further information was provided.

I then turned my attention to examine how often I relied on Facebook or Instagram to fill my day. At least 2-3 times per day, I experience the repeated realization as I try to open my social media icons, “Oops! My account is disabled. ” It seems like these apps are hardwired into my day.

Next, I realized that a new online course I was taking had its discussion group on Facebook. Not to mention the various Facebook groups I was a member of and from which I benefitted through updates, commentary and camaraderie.

Most importantly, my local community group has numerous active groups on Facebook. I’m an admin for many of these groups and need a Facebook account to help out in these groups.

I resolved to return to Facebook, but more thoughtfully than before. But what does that mean?

Facebook is relied upon and baked into our society. It is a “free” utility that we pay through our attention.

This incident feels unjust and out of balance. Someone assaulted me through fraud and caused harm to my digital presence. Now I am largely invisible to part of my world.

I wondered, “have I been erased?”

One friend, out of 1500+, reached out to me through LinkedIn. “Did you quit Facebook? Your account has disappeared.” I explained what had happened.

I was reminded of a quote from the World Trade Center Memorial museum:

“No Day Shall Erase You From the Memory of Time”

– Virgil

The silence of my friends and family is unnerving. Although that I doubt that I am unique in this experience. How many of my friends have reported that “they’ve been hacked” to which I just shrugged and thought, “they’ll be fine – and will be back in moment.”

The default reliance on Facebook, a corporate giant with questionable social motivations, by my community, my teachers and my political leaders is unsettling. Now that I know how utterly unresponsive and opaque their support system is, and how one sided their power is, it seems reckless to empower them with our trust.

My expectation of 24×7 availability to these social media networks is revealing.

So how am I returning thoughtfully?

1) Where possible, I will enable multi-factor authentication for any platform of importance. This will typically mean that I’ll need a password and a code that the app will text to my cell phone, but other modes are possible. This will block most future hack attempts.

2) Any meaningful content I develop will be carried and copied on my personal website and backed up to my computer

3) I will say what I mean, mean what I say and contribute only when I believe it will help influence a more positive future, help someone in need and/or open someone’s mind to new perspectives.

4) I will hold my social media presence lightly – no longer linking social media account and standing ready to regenerate a new account at a moment’s notice. Social Media behemoths can cut my profile with their arbitrary lawn mower but they will not touch my mycelium and, like a mushroom, I will pop up again.

I recently coined a phrase, “Fight like an earthworm.” I’m not even sure I fully understand what that means – but I know that right now, there are millions of earth worms transforming the world around me… unseen but present. Never erased. Always changing. And the soil is richer for them.

My friends David and Deanna created this earthworm shirt. I love it! Thank you, D2.

Culture, Reflections on Life

A Return to Middle-aged Thinking

Logic.  Data.  Evidence.

I grew up being taught that these were the gold standards in pursuing an outcome.   Yet, nearly half of the US population seems to have abandoned these standards.

In raging Facebook conversations, person after person claims that our recent US presidential election was stolen, that there is a deep-state conspiracy and that a secret faction of pedophiles rules the Democratic party.

In 1692, the Salem Witch Trials epitomized the height of medieval madness.   A toxic combination of paranoia, magical thinking and fear of the Other led to  the hanging of 19 women from the Salem community.

The lesson of the Salem Witch Trials and the Trump era alike was well articulated when Voltaire (1694-1778) said:

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. – Voltaire

For me, a key lesson of the last four years is that logic, data and evidence  (rational thinking) has been a guiding force of decision-making in our society NOT because most people believed it to be true.  It is because most (or at least half) of Americans followed their leaders’ examples – and most of our political leaders (in both parties) accepted  rational thinking as a given.

Before Trump, our leaders were subject to scrutiny based on their ability to (1) argue a point convincingly, (2) craft rational policy, and (3) conduct themselves civilly throughout their lives.   Even President Nixon, who resigned in disgrace after covering up the Watergate burglary, subjected himself to such scrutiny by releasing his tax returns.   Every presidential candidate since Nixon has followed this precedent.   Until Donald Trump’s candidacy, it was considered a disqualifier if a candidate failed to publicly share his or her tax returns.

Donald Trump turned that upside down.   By building on grievances of a shrinking white populace, Trump created a loyal base that was willing to support him without reason:

…I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters, okay?
– Donald J Trump
and he did not lose any voters.   In spite of a failed pandemic response, the death of hundreds of thousands of Americans, countless atrocities against  immigrants (“The Other”), our environment and progress in social justice, over 74 Million Americans voted for Donald Trump in the November 2020 election.  This was the most votes ever received by an incumbent President.

But Joe Biden got even more, with over 81 Million American votes – and, more importantly, a definitive electoral college win.

And Trump lost.

And he fought reality one more time.   He denied the election results, even after all 50 states certified the vote, some after multiple recounts.

He fought in the courts… and lost.

He called Republican Secretary of States and Governors to illegally change the election results… and was rebuffed.

And he called on his people to the storm the Capitol and stop the certification of the Biden victory… and they did.   Fortunately, the invaders failed to stop the certification.  The US constitutional wisdom held forth against the assault.

The effect was similar to a mud-caked bed of rocks being showered by an enormous storm.   The storm washed away all of the muck and laid bare the cold stones that support the Trump worldview no matter what.

Each stone of unflinching support is uncovered as rational law, laid down by the US Constitution,  meets irrational followership.  Examples of this remarkably clear exposure are unfolding daily.

Its like we suddenly have a magic “tin-foil hat detector” to see who will lap up the irrational conspiracy vomit regardless of what is found in the chunks on the floor.

They include:
  • The vote to de-certify the election results by 138 US Representatives and 8 US Senators.
  • The collusion by government officials currently under investigation to invite a weakened Capitol target.
  • Renegade members of our local police, fire departments and government who invaded the US Capitol on January 6, 2021.
  • Our friends, family and neighbors who support the invasion and Trump even after the first serious US  insurrection since the Civil War.

This morning, a friend asked me how long we have to live with this?   Will this great American division between reality and conspiracy live with us for decades?

We could look to the past.   Denying the Church doctrine or being a known atheist was once considered blasphemy, which resulted in a death sentence.   Over time, those laws faded away to more rational laws and in 1787, the Founding Fathers of the US Constitution embodied the latest thinking into their vision for a new Democratic Republic.  It had been over 90 years since the Salem Witch trials.

But what’s the saying?
The past does not repeat itself, but it often rhymes.

 

 We live in 2021.  The digital world permeates most aspects of our daily existence.   The corporate giants of today control data networks, databases and digital prosthetics for all of humanity.  In fact, so much of our existence is built on science and technology, it seems impossible that a Trump era could exist!

But this new era is here.   And we are neighbors and family and friends with Trump supporters.   So, I’ll look to another time when our country was so divided… and listen to the wisdom of the American President, Abraham Lincoln:

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature. – Abraham Lincoln

We must return to the table with each other. We need to return to a conversation grounded in reason, not rhetoric. In coming together, we must hold each other accountable to bring the better angels of our nature to include grace, equity, good will, justice, compassion and rational thinking to our future endeavors together.
Culture, Reflections on Life

A daughter is married while another is buried

(June 2017)

My heart is opening like a vast black cavern into which everything tumbles, sucking and pulling

A tweet is twisted into a taunt is twisted into a terrorist tumbling into a tethered, vicious anger  that runs loose over on a baseball field in blood and terror

And the music plays under a star-filled evening, a gracious drifting smile and warm embrace… with tears of happiness, remembrance and pride

And “One Manchester” plays in the background,  “Don’t go forward in anger, love spreads”

And two proud, black officers step into the bullets,  they don’t shout “Not my President!”,  they don’t live their lives as “Not my problem”.   It IS their problem…. And they believe that the country that brought them to this field deserves them… and I pray that it does

And the anger is cut down with more bullets

As Ariana takes the stage… beautiful, orchestrated and syncopated… wailing voice, a pony tail pinned tiara on her head…

And today’s rising starlet steps up to the bombers,  she doesn’t shout “Down with ISIS” because you know that Mother Theresa would never speak out against anything.   It IS her problem, and she can bring healing through music… so she does.

I can see my friends then, dressed in black by their baby’s grave site… I wonder if they got the gray day it deserved… but I worry they felt taunted by the sunlight.   Probably not, because it IS their family… and they rejoiced in her memory and take solace in their faith as they start the healing process…

I remember the Amish funerals for the five little girls … murdered in their schoolhouse.   And the Amish community invited the killer’s family, because it IS their problem and that family was suffering too.   I felt a tear fall from Jesus’ eyes on that day… and his heart opened even a little bit more.

“Laughter is carbonated holiness”*.  So I kick off my shoes and drop off my coat on the warm, summer bridal night.   She is always dancing… at least in her head.   So I join her in the cool, lush grass … and the music stops.   We laugh.

“… so now we have to teach our youngest children how to survive an active shooter scenario… “,

And the Islamic State lines the streets of Raqqa with the heads of infidels…

While we rock the fences and bang on the walls that divide us… frothing at the mouth … God help us when the walls fall down and we are face to face with our brothers and sisters, ready to kill an idea but faced with a human…

And the Black Eyed Peas ask, “Where is the love” … “need some guidance from above”… Hey!  Dude!  We REALLY need some help down here.  Are you watching?

Naw… no answer on that line. We’ve met the enemy and it is us.  We’ve met God and He is us.  We own this.

But I’ve seen love that moves mountains… I’ve seen people step in bullets… step into bombs… open their homes to strangers… meet refugees at airports … and just get out of bed on the days that matter most.

I can’t imagine how things could get worse… but they will.   I can’t imagine how things will change more, but they will.   I can’t imagine a beginning more beautiful, but there will be.

Maybe that’s my problem… if I just open my heart and imagine.   Like little 23 year Ariana Grande, who filled her broken heart with a concert called “One Manchester”… because she could imagine.

We can imagine too.   We can smile first and ask questions later.  We can extend a hand to help someone who is hurting … even if it’s because someone they love did a very bad thing.   We can rekindle friendships that were casualties of this war.

There will be other daughters buried… but others will be married.   We have to show up for both of them… and show what true love is all about.

We got this.

 

 

 

  • Laughter is carbonated holiness – Anne Lamott

 

 

 

 

parenting, Reflections on Life

A Father’s Promise to his Son

When you were born… I was not there… you were in another country  … and I did not even know you had entered the world.  It was not until six months later that I learned of you.  I wanted to send you Christmas presents… but that wasn’t how “things were done” and I didn’t push.  I am sorry for that.   Too often we do things for “how they are done” and not for what should be.

I remember the first moment I met you – and they handed you to “papa”.   You felt so natural in my arms.  Your blue eyes and smiling face radiated happiness.   I know they were watching us carefully – but we never needed to act for their behalf.   We were father and son from that moment forward.

But you had never been a son before…

And I had never been a father before…

Now you have turned 21 … and we have walked some interesting paths together.     We are both older and, I think, quite a bit wiser about what it means to be a father and a son.   So in that spirit, I thought I’d share these promises that I’ve made to you, as your father.

Maybe someone else is meeting their son for the first time – and wondering what they should promise their son…

I promise…

– to stumble and fall  – so that you may witness a fallen hero and recognize that all humans have some weakness – so you can forgive yourself – and you can forgive others

– to get up and brush myself off and to laugh at myself – so you may learn to perservere in the face of failure and recover with grace and laughter in your heart

– to do my best to not hold grudges and to get along with everyone – because there is so great a need for peace in our world – and the easiest place is to begin in our own backyard, with our own family, friends and neighbors

– to take your punches… even when they are delivered with anger… even when they bloody my nose … so that you may see the pain in all of humanity and to create compassion in your heart

– to be your friend first – because in spite of all the advice that a parent should never be a friend (“that’s not how its done!”),  I never want my children to feel that they have no one to turn to

– to continue to love you – no matter what.    If you ever break my heart,  if you embarrass me,  if you disappoint me… after I let you know how I feel, let my first words always, without exception, be: “… and you know that I will ALWAYS love you.”

–  to search for my gifts and share them with others – and encourage you to do the same.   You are blessed with many gifts.  You are a survivor who has learned to persevere through the most difficult times.  You are a natural navigator – and have an uncanny sense of direction.    You are good with your hands; fixing things comes naturally to you.   You love nature and the peace and solitude that grows in your chest when you experience them.   You have a sense of humor that makes people laugh.   I think you have mastered the ability to ignore the admonisment, “That’s not how its done!”; living life on your terms.   Share these gifts with others.   Everyone has something to share … our job is to help them find those gifts so they can be shared.

I am honored to be your father.  I hope you find honor Nick and Skipin being my son.

 

PS – I am so proud of all that you have done and accomplished to get where you are today.    Keep on your path and, if you are ever in doubt, look in your heart. – Dad

Reflections on Life

Musing on the Birth Lottery

In response to my friend Yasmine’s inquiry… what does the birth lottery mean to you?  She will be speaking of this at the TedXPhilly event.

Sometimes I like to think of life as a “Sims” video game. the-sims-4You wake up in a given home with given family and friends, a certain set of credentials, certain physical attributes. But as Mr. B says – what you do with that is your choice. You can wake up as super-man and choose to sit on the sofa and play video games all day. Or you can wake up as quadrapalegic and get on WHYY to run a popular radio program (nod to Dr. Dan Gottlieb) . As a guy who raised money through VCs, I saw first-hand how biased people are and how quickly they draw judgments about you from your skin color, the neighborhood you grew up in, your language skills and your accent. For me, I had a lot going for me – but growing up in Levittown was a strike against my pedigree (believe it or not I was told this by a VC once) – sometimes I wished I had had braces to staighten my teeth better… little crap like that removes barriers. But you can overcome all of these by not taking things pesonally, nurturing strength of spirit, choosing a mission and doubling down each day on the bets you made yesterday that paid off. Also – try to remove the power of the birth lottery by breaking the cycle of instant judgment. Try to stop putting people in boxes. Try to stop filling in the blanks when you see or hear someone fro the first time. Ask yourself, “do I really know what is in this person’s soul?” – and, if not, keep digging. Good luck!