When you were born… I was not there… you were in another country  … and I did not even know you had entered the world.  It was not until six months later that I learned of you.  I wanted to send you Christmas presents… but that wasn’t how “things were done” and I didn’t push.  I am sorry for that.   Too often we do things for “how they are done” and not for what should be.

I remember the first moment I met you – and they handed you to “papa”.   You felt so natural in my arms.  Your blue eyes and smiling face radiated happiness.   I know they were watching us carefully – but we never needed to act for their behalf.   We were father and son from that moment forward.

But you had never been a son before…

And I had never been a father before…

Now you have turned 21 … and we have walked some interesting paths together.     We are both older and, I think, quite a bit wiser about what it means to be a father and a son.   So in that spirit, I thought I’d share these promises that I’ve made to you, as your father.

Maybe someone else is meeting their son for the first time – and wondering what they should promise their son…

I promise…

– to stumble and fall  – so that you may witness a fallen hero and recognize that all humans have some weakness – so you can forgive yourself – and you can forgive others

– to get up and brush myself off and to laugh at myself – so you may learn to perservere in the face of failure and recover with grace and laughter in your heart

– to do my best to not hold grudges and to get along with everyone – because there is so great a need for peace in our world – and the easiest place is to begin in our own backyard, with our own family, friends and neighbors

– to take your punches… even when they are delivered with anger… even when they bloody my nose … so that you may see the pain in all of humanity and to create compassion in your heart

– to be your friend first – because in spite of all the advice that a parent should never be a friend (“that’s not how its done!”),  I never want my children to feel that they have no one to turn to

– to continue to love you – no matter what.    If you ever break my heart,  if you embarrass me,  if you disappoint me… after I let you know how I feel, let my first words always, without exception, be: “… and you know that I will ALWAYS love you.”

–  to search for my gifts and share them with others – and encourage you to do the same.   You are blessed with many gifts.  You are a survivor who has learned to persevere through the most difficult times.  You are a natural navigator – and have an uncanny sense of direction.    You are good with your hands; fixing things comes naturally to you.   You love nature and the peace and solitude that grows in your chest when you experience them.   You have a sense of humor that makes people laugh.   I think you have mastered the ability to ignore the admonisment, “That’s not how its done!”; living life on your terms.   Share these gifts with others.   Everyone has something to share … our job is to help them find those gifts so they can be shared.

I am honored to be your father.  I hope you find honor in being my son.

 

PS – I am so proud of all that you have done and accomplished to get where you are today.    Keep on your path and, if you are ever in doubt, look in your heart. – Dad