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So You Want to be a Doctor? Trail Notes from a Life Science Major

Part One: How Did I Get Here?!

Well, if ‘here’ is UCLA, as it is for me, then the answer is probably ‘on the 405’. What some of the locals don’t realize, however, is that you can’t take the 405 all the way from Philly, which is where I’m from. I had the pleasure of flying for six hours to get here, and now that I’ve arrived, I’m excited to share some of my wisdom (and photos!) with my fellow pre-med undergrads that combine my two true loves – life science and the outdoors!

So, let’s take a step back. If you got into UCLA (or any college, really, congrats!) as a life science major, envision yourself at the trailhead of a long hike, which you’ve heard leads to a beautiful peak.

stratton

peak

But, what made you pick your particular trail? Which college trailhead (UCLA for me) and hike (life science major) were the best choices for you? (For literal hikes near UCLA, check out Modern Hiker for some great suggestions.)

Figuratively speaking, my long history of medical issues and the inspiring doctors who changed my life by helping me heal started me on my trail to studying life science.

Second grade marked the year when I went from being a normal elementary schooler to ‘the girl in the cast’. Over the next four years, I injured my right ankle six times, to the point where it needed immobilization for multiple months.

Girl in the Cast
Girl in the Cast

However, in sixth grade, my miracle doctor, Dr. Ganley, diagnosed me with an osteochondral defect of my right talus bone and suggested I have surgery to try to fix the problem for good. Although the thought of Dr. Ganley cutting me open horrified me, he explained everything so calmly and clearly that I became comfortable with the idea. And I had missed too many pool parties and field days to put up with the injuries any longer. The surgery turned my life around, as I could then swim, play, and live normally with my friends and family.

I have an extensive list of doctors who have touched my life in equally incredible ways, and I owe them immense gratitude. To the nurse with the soft tissues who helped me relax my breaths when I had to have an IV put in before my wisdom teeth removal – thank you. To my family physician’s assistant, Meggie, who gave me her cell phone number so I could call late on Friday nights when I thought I had strep throat for the third time over winter break– thank you. To Dr. Feerhey, who operated on my tonsils, adenoids, sinuses, and septum, all in one morning so that I could avoid the dangers of anesthesia as much as possible– thank you.

And to my parents, for capturing this beautiful moment during recovery - thanks a lot!
And to my parents, for capturing this beautiful moment during recovery – thanks a lot!

To the therapists who helped my mom, who is my best friend in the world, cope with her depression– thank you.

mom

To the counselors and psychiatrists who supported my brother and many of my close friends through their struggles with substance abuse and addiction– thank you. To all of the medical professionals, with your understanding smiles of reassurance and sharp scalpels of change, who have parted the clouds for me when things were looking dark—thank you. You are the ones who have inspired me to want to shed a positive light on someone else’s life.

Part Two: To Start Uphill or Downhill?

This trail is a loop, and you better be ready to start going Up!

Some may see this challenge as a reason to give up on their dreams of becoming a doctor, but you just have to be willing to jump right in to the difficult courses. Don’t be afraid to pick a major that sounds challenging if it interests you. Once you begin the coursework, you will quickly become accustomed to the pace of the classes and hopefully they’ll be about topics for which you are passionate!

Part Three: A Fork in the Trail

fork

Everyone experiences classes that make or break them. For a lot of people its organic chemistry. Don’t stress about that fork in the trail until you get there. Once you arrive, you’ll have to decide whether or not to take the path that loops back to the entrance. Remember, you’re probably not that far from the start yet. So if you’re really struggling, it’s ok to turn around – you haven’t wasted too much time. But if you are still feeling strong, grab a Cliff Bar and keep going. But take it slow!

ohm

Take time to enjoy your college life, make new friends, study hard for your classes, and don’t overload yourself.

rishabh

Part Four: Take a Side Trail!

Take as many side trails as you can. There aren’t tons of flowers in Los Angeles, but take time to stop and smell the sage bush, or pose with some cool cacti, like me!

cactus

These side trails may include applying for internships, getting to know your professors, doing undergraduate research, joining medical clubs, or getting CPR certified! All of these steps take you closer to your destination and provide valuable insight into what specific parts of the medical field you may or may not like. And you might even find an abandoned ski lift, hidden waterfall, or adorable turtle on the way!

ski liftwaterfall

turtle

I personally chose the Care Extenders internship at Ronald Reagan as my first side trail. After a vigorous application process including a formal business-professional interview, I was thrilled to start volunteering on the cardiothoracic unit. However, my primary duties actually included answering patient calls and delivering cups of ice water. This detour was definitely flatter than the incline I’d been trekking, but the views were not what I had imagined. However, I still benefitted from the experience. I got to see how the doctors, care partners, and nurses interacted with the patients and each other behind the scenes.

My rotation has led me to volunteering on the oncology unit, and the views have definitely improved. I got to observe two stem cell transplants in one shift, and have yet to spend more than twenty minutes answering the phones!

I can see a continuously brightening horizon in the distance with the Care Extenders program, which “promotes” you after each unit rotation. So overall, my side trail has value!

Will I stay here forever? Certainly not! There is so much more exploring to do – but part of the journey is going through the trials and tribulations of experiencing numerous programs to see what you like and dislike. So don’t rule out any job, internship, research/volunteer position, or program until you’ve tried it! Every side trail has at least one pretty patch of wildflowers 🙂

flowers

Here’s an example of a hidden treasure you might find if you take a side trail – this puppy, Bubbles, was volunteering at the hospital one day when I was working. Such a sweet surprise! Check out what he does when his owner says, “Say your prayers!”.

dog

Part Five: The Summit!

jump

Finally, what we’ve all been waiting for! Whatever you consider the summit – getting your PhD, saving a life, taking a step toward curing a disease – keep your eye on that prize. The more personal, the better! If you want that thing badly enough, the experience will be worth the result. If not, there are other beautiful trails out there that you should explore. This one is surely not for novice hikers.

nicole

I hate to quote Hannah Montana for fear that the readers will lose all respect for me, but hey, I was a 13-year-old girl not too long ago and I’m not embarrassed about that. So here it is – “Life’s a climb, but the view is great.”

climb

view

Are you an adventurer? Explorer? Thrill-seeker? Are you an aspiring medical student? I think of them as one and the same; my answer is all of the above! We are the ones responsible for discovering new frontiers. We are the ones people count on to keep them and their future loved ones healthy. We are the ones who have to press on even when our legs are burning from the incline. And we can do that by remembering that the reason we’re sweating is not because we’re not strong enough. It’s because the sun is shining down on us on this beautiful day!

feet

So do you have what it takes? I bet you do – now let’s hit the trail!

hit trail

A Father’s Promise to his Son

When you were born… I was not there… you were in another country  … and I did not even know you had entered the world.  It was not until six months later that I learned of you.  I wanted to send you Christmas presents… but that wasn’t how “things were done” and I didn’t push.  I am sorry for that.   Too often we do things for “how they are done” and not for what should be.

I remember the first moment I met you – and they handed you to “papa”.   You felt so natural in my arms.  Your blue eyes and smiling face radiated happiness.   I know they were watching us carefully – but we never needed to act for their behalf.   We were father and son from that moment forward.

But you had never been a son before…

And I had never been a father before…

Now you have turned 21 … and we have walked some interesting paths together.     We are both older and, I think, quite a bit wiser about what it means to be a father and a son.   So in that spirit, I thought I’d share these promises that I’ve made to you, as your father.

Maybe someone else is meeting their son for the first time – and wondering what they should promise their son…

I promise…

– to stumble and fall  – so that you may witness a fallen hero and recognize that all humans have some weakness – so you can forgive yourself – and you can forgive others

– to get up and brush myself off and to laugh at myself – so you may learn to perservere in the face of failure and recover with grace and laughter in your heart

– to do my best to not hold grudges and to get along with everyone – because there is so great a need for peace in our world – and the easiest place is to begin in our own backyard, with our own family, friends and neighbors

– to take your punches… even when they are delivered with anger… even when they bloody my nose … so that you may see the pain in all of humanity and to create compassion in your heart

– to be your friend first – because in spite of all the advice that a parent should never be a friend (“that’s not how its done!”),  I never want my children to feel that they have no one to turn to

– to continue to love you – no matter what.    If you ever break my heart,  if you embarrass me,  if you disappoint me… after I let you know how I feel, let my first words always, without exception, be: “… and you know that I will ALWAYS love you.”

–  to search for my gifts and share them with others – and encourage you to do the same.   You are blessed with many gifts.  You are a survivor who has learned to persevere through the most difficult times.  You are a natural navigator – and have an uncanny sense of direction.    You are good with your hands; fixing things comes naturally to you.   You love nature and the peace and solitude that grows in your chest when you experience them.   You have a sense of humor that makes people laugh.   I think you have mastered the ability to ignore the admonisment, “That’s not how its done!”; living life on your terms.   Share these gifts with others.   Everyone has something to share … our job is to help them find those gifts so they can be shared.

I am honored to be your father.  I hope you find honor Nick and Skipin being my son.

 

PS – I am so proud of all that you have done and accomplished to get where you are today.    Keep on your path and, if you are ever in doubt, look in your heart. – Dad

Musing on the Birth Lottery

In response to my friend Yasmine’s inquiry… what does the birth lottery mean to you?  She will be speaking of this at the TedXPhilly event.

Sometimes I like to think of life as a “Sims” video game. the-sims-4You wake up in a given home with given family and friends, a certain set of credentials, certain physical attributes. But as Mr. B says – what you do with that is your choice. You can wake up as super-man and choose to sit on the sofa and play video games all day. Or you can wake up as quadrapalegic and get on WHYY to run a popular radio program (nod to Dr. Dan Gottlieb) . As a guy who raised money through VCs, I saw first-hand how biased people are and how quickly they draw judgments about you from your skin color, the neighborhood you grew up in, your language skills and your accent. For me, I had a lot going for me – but growing up in Levittown was a strike against my pedigree (believe it or not I was told this by a VC once) – sometimes I wished I had had braces to staighten my teeth better… little crap like that removes barriers. But you can overcome all of these by not taking things pesonally, nurturing strength of spirit, choosing a mission and doubling down each day on the bets you made yesterday that paid off. Also – try to remove the power of the birth lottery by breaking the cycle of instant judgment. Try to stop putting people in boxes. Try to stop filling in the blanks when you see or hear someone fro the first time. Ask yourself, “do I really know what is in this person’s soul?” – and, if not, keep digging. Good luck!

Awake and Alive

awake – on a humid, muggy day.

wondering – what the future holds.

smiling – because my family is alive and near me.

sleepy – as I tossed and turned last night.

alive – and grateful for this – one more day.
6/30/2014

Immunity to Change – Musings on Visualizing our Change Immune System

I’m into week 12 of the Immunity to Change course offered through EdX at Harvard.   This is my second time through the I2C process and this time is just as productive as the first.

The magic of this process is that it helps you surface an artifact of your personality that drives many of your actions and behaviors.  This artifact is called the immune system by creators Bob Kegan and Lisa Lahey.

I can see real assumptions (some are quite irrational) that drive many of my behaviors.   I2C spends most of the course unearthing these assumptions, the situations that trigger them , the resulting interior experience of emotion and thoughts – and the resulting behaviors .  Once you watch this mechanism in action as if you are sitting in an audience and watching a movie, you are hooked!

So I can describe my immune system in words.  My musing is whether we could visualize these structures.   As I write this, I realize that the I2C instructors use cartoons to exhibit elements of the immune system — (e.g. icebergs showing the “bigger assumptions” looming under the surface).   But I wonder if there is an opportunity to use Ken Wilber’s “Kosmic Address” scheme to graph our immune system. Current state vs. target diagrams, or before and after diagrams- can help us appreciate where we’re headed – or the progress we achieved.   Indeed, the before and after diagram would be a suitable background for the certificate of achievement!

 

 

Justice Denied

Cold granite walls encased the tiny gate into the courthouse…

She walked through the doors with head hung low – duly chastened as her bag is searched.

– embarrassed for the crime that brought her todaySummerfield moon

– prepared to endure the pain that is due

– marching up three flights of stairs as she does not feel worthy of an elevator

– she moves to the end of a long line of humanity awaiting justice to be doled out

– a clerk down the hall spots her… white face among the dark… the diamond in the rough…

The clerk coyly calls out the code …

“If you have a private attorney, please come to room 401!”

They all turn to her.

The all know who the clerk is calling…

– and she pauses

… then steps past the brown faces… the frightened eyes… the surrendered hope

– and her tears begin to flow

– and she shudders uncontrollably as she recognizes she is now walking the path she so despises…

– she becomes a white SUV slowly halting traffic along an LA highway with helicopter escort

– a slave owner walking to a fat dinner after a good day at the auction

– a man boarding a bus, barking at a frail woman to yield her seat

and she is escorted into the courtroom by her attorney.

She is the first to see the judge –

He smiles warmly and welcomes her

… and her sickness deepens.

She is granted probation…

for one year she must make a 1 minute phone call on her birth day.

The judge thinks he is setting her free…

but there could not be a worse punishment.

 

My Personal Polar Vortex

I’ve been a personal development junkie most of my adult life.   It started with an interest in software methodology when I was in my 20s.   That progressed to an interest in (rough chronological order of) agile methods for product development, martial arts, integrative medicine, emotional intelligence, eastern spiritual philosophies, Taoism, Buddhism, QiGong, Aikido, agile methods for building companies, reincarnation, meditation, Integral Theory (philosophy), Immunity to Change, Shamanism and Reiki.

While my inner world was evolving,  I have been building businesses, raising a family, creating new community and trying to figure out my soul’s purpose.

Coming into 2014, a series of events have led me to a new perspective on life and my role in it.   In many ways, I can see more clearly than ever before.   I see the way in which my ego has created a pendulum between mission-driven euphoria and disappointment-driven depression.    I can watch the pendulum now, still feeling it but not being held by it.

DSC04987
Dec 2013 – View out of window of my office/bedroom in Media

The winter months found me moving into a new place with my 19 year old son.  Like the pioneers of old, we are preparing for our full family migration here in the summer.   The snow has been falling frequently and we have more precipitation than usual.   A “Polar Vortex” of extreme cold has descended upon my existence – both environmentally and spiritually.

Ken Wilber (founder of Integral Theory) says that, as a soul ascends the spiral of life, we feel pain more deeply but care less.  Like a shaky hologram projected in a sci-fi movie (or CNN),   I’m holding that perspective these days.   I have faith that what needs to emerge will emerge.    I’m not going to force it.  I’m not going to build a “life map” (yet).

I am going to listen to the wind and feel the blistering cold on my skin.  I am going to laugh when I can and watch with curiosity.  I’m going to love and care and hold those close to me.

I will not force an answer.

It feels like I’m landing on the surface of a new planet rife with gusting

Dec. 2013 Back view out of office/bedroom in Media ... or another planet?
Dec. 2013 Back view out of office/bedroom in Media … or another planet?

winds, shattering cold and driving snow.

Moving forward into the blizzard…