Monthly Archives: May 2015

parenting, Reflections on Life

A Father’s Promise to his Son

When you were born… I was not there… you were in another country  … and I did not even know you had entered the world.  It was not until six months later that I learned of you.  I wanted to send you Christmas presents… but that wasn’t how “things were done” and I didn’t push.  I am sorry for that.   Too often we do things for “how they are done” and not for what should be.

I remember the first moment I met you – and they handed you to “papa”.   You felt so natural in my arms.  Your blue eyes and smiling face radiated happiness.   I know they were watching us carefully – but we never needed to act for their behalf.   We were father and son from that moment forward.

But you had never been a son before…

And I had never been a father before…

Now you have turned 21 … and we have walked some interesting paths together.     We are both older and, I think, quite a bit wiser about what it means to be a father and a son.   So in that spirit, I thought I’d share these promises that I’ve made to you, as your father.

Maybe someone else is meeting their son for the first time – and wondering what they should promise their son…

I promise…

– to stumble and fall  – so that you may witness a fallen hero and recognize that all humans have some weakness – so you can forgive yourself – and you can forgive others

– to get up and brush myself off and to laugh at myself – so you may learn to perservere in the face of failure and recover with grace and laughter in your heart

– to do my best to not hold grudges and to get along with everyone – because there is so great a need for peace in our world – and the easiest place is to begin in our own backyard, with our own family, friends and neighbors

– to take your punches… even when they are delivered with anger… even when they bloody my nose … so that you may see the pain in all of humanity and to create compassion in your heart

– to be your friend first – because in spite of all the advice that a parent should never be a friend (“that’s not how its done!”),  I never want my children to feel that they have no one to turn to

– to continue to love you – no matter what.    If you ever break my heart,  if you embarrass me,  if you disappoint me… after I let you know how I feel, let my first words always, without exception, be: “… and you know that I will ALWAYS love you.”

–  to search for my gifts and share them with others – and encourage you to do the same.   You are blessed with many gifts.  You are a survivor who has learned to persevere through the most difficult times.  You are a natural navigator – and have an uncanny sense of direction.    You are good with your hands; fixing things comes naturally to you.   You love nature and the peace and solitude that grows in your chest when you experience them.   You have a sense of humor that makes people laugh.   I think you have mastered the ability to ignore the admonisment, “That’s not how its done!”; living life on your terms.   Share these gifts with others.   Everyone has something to share … our job is to help them find those gifts so they can be shared.

I am honored to be your father.  I hope you find honor Nick and Skipin being my son.

 

PS – I am so proud of all that you have done and accomplished to get where you are today.    Keep on your path and, if you are ever in doubt, look in your heart. – Dad

Reflections on Life

Musing on the Birth Lottery

In response to my friend Yasmine’s inquiry… what does the birth lottery mean to you?  She will be speaking of this at the TedXPhilly event.

Sometimes I like to think of life as a “Sims” video game. the-sims-4You wake up in a given home with given family and friends, a certain set of credentials, certain physical attributes. But as Mr. B says – what you do with that is your choice. You can wake up as super-man and choose to sit on the sofa and play video games all day. Or you can wake up as quadrapalegic and get on WHYY to run a popular radio program (nod to Dr. Dan Gottlieb) . As a guy who raised money through VCs, I saw first-hand how biased people are and how quickly they draw judgments about you from your skin color, the neighborhood you grew up in, your language skills and your accent. For me, I had a lot going for me – but growing up in Levittown was a strike against my pedigree (believe it or not I was told this by a VC once) – sometimes I wished I had had braces to staighten my teeth better… little crap like that removes barriers. But you can overcome all of these by not taking things pesonally, nurturing strength of spirit, choosing a mission and doubling down each day on the bets you made yesterday that paid off. Also – try to remove the power of the birth lottery by breaking the cycle of instant judgment. Try to stop putting people in boxes. Try to stop filling in the blanks when you see or hear someone fro the first time. Ask yourself, “do I really know what is in this person’s soul?” – and, if not, keep digging. Good luck!